Perfection.

Funny thing about aspiring to be a published author; the emotions associated with it come in waves.

Let's review:

I sent out 10 queries and was rejected outright by 5 agents. If I'm honest, those 'Rs' were probably for the best. So I was left with 2 requests (one full and one partial) and 3 unanswered. Mind you, this has all taken place in the past 3-4 weeks.

Well, my first 'real' rejection came this week. And I'll tell ya, it really did hurt. I was already having a bad day (which is ironic because when I first received interest in this book, I was having pretty terrible day too!). Yes, this rejection hurt, but it didn't break my heart. It's more of a disappointment than anything. I was rejected on my partial (35 pages).

The entire two weeks my work was with that agent I was obsessed! I'm talking Querytracker and Twitter stalking and my phone being glued to my hand. It got a little ridiculous for a while there. I read my manuscript over so many times, wondering if she'd ask for more. The more I read it, the more I got an inkling that she wouldn't.

Now if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I've been in and out of love with that manuscript since last spring, when I wrote it. I got the idea, spewed it out in about 8 weeks and then shared it with my crit group. The more I revised, the more I hated it. Then I left it alone for months.

One day, I picked it up, determined to finish it. I decided I'd put the work in so it was time to see what I could reap from it. I revised again and this time it was ready for Beta. It was out for beta from March until just recently (when I got that unexpected full request from my impromptu query, sent a month before). I'm not sure I've shared this, but it was around that time that I'd given up on it. I'd gotten this idea to give the manuscript a complete overhaul, changing up some characters and making one, in particular, more central to the story. But every time I opened it up on my laptop, I just couldn't. I didn't have it in me anymore. I was bored of my own work. So I abandoned it and started working something else.

Fast forward 12 weeks or so and I'm realizing something. The agent who rejected my partial said once that she has to LOVE a manuscript when she reads it, because she knows she'll be reading it dozens of times for the next who-knows-how-long. Getting bored with it, is NOT an option. She has to love it. Every. Single. Time.

That's not easy to pull off. It takes talent, but most of all...patience. If you love your story enough, don't EVER stop revising. Keep polishing until it shines so bright, you can't help but open it up from time to time.

I haven't decided whether or not I'll go through with those revisions. I'm not sure it's worth it yet. I believe it will make the manuscript what it isn't right now but, at the same time, I really feel like moving on. My gut tells me to stop the querying here. Wait to hear back from those other 4 agents and work on my other baby in the meantime :)

And, you see, my gut is almost NEVER wrong. But I also hate giving up.

Still, as usual, I'll keep you posted ;)