So the past year has been a rough one. Graduating in the middle of a recession is not the best recipe for a high degree of confidence in ones working skills. I'm a freelance writer and store owner but I still have the desire to work in an environment where I can actually help people (and see them on a regular basis!-since my store is online I never do).
So since I've been down in the pits so much I decided it was time to "turn my frown upside down" (as I often tell my kids to). A few years ago I watched the Secret and quite honestly it had little affect on my life. In my opinion I was just not ready for it. I didn't fully understand the point (that point being that its not about how much stuff you can get or how often you get your own way, but about how you view the world and how a positive vs a negative view of the world can have a huge affect on how you feel on a day to day basis)
I meditate every day now; focusing on the things that make me happy. I try to find the good in everything (even when it seems impossible sometimes). And even though my situation has not changed that much, my attitude and my confidence have.
I decided to try to use these tactics when dealing with my kids. Especially my nine-year-old daughter who sometimes has a very negative out look on her day-to-day activities. She goes from 0-10, so to speak, in a very short time and is very sensitive. My goal is to help her to become a more patient, positive and caring individual.
As a black woman we are unfortunately stigmatized in just about every area of our lives. The one that gets me the most though is that we are thought to be bitter, angry and just plain mean. If I can teach my daughter to be positive starting right now it will become natural for her. Thus giving her a better outlook on life.
I live in Toronto and if there is one thing that is in abundance here it is Sisters with a scowl. Do you have any idea how many times I've attempted to politely smile at a Sister only to get a scowl in return? No wonder we're all thought to be angry!
In college, a friend of mine pointed out how much prettier I looked when I smiled (somewhere along the line I had developed the notorious scowl as well). At first I brushed his comment aside but years later I thought about it and realized he was probably right. In the same year, (coincidentally at the same college) I asked a classmate, that I got to talking to one day, why we had never talked before. He said that I just didn't seem approachable.
Now that I think about it, I wasn't scowling because I was necessarily angry all the time, its just that my emotions were always showing on my face (stress, exhaustion, anxiety, and yes, sometimes anger). Since I've learned to control those emotions and think more positively I find myself naturally smiling more (not to look more pretty but to simply to feel good!) and (I'm being completely honest here) I get approached more often, get more smiles, get offered more seats on the subway, and get more doors opened for me, than ever before!
Take it from me, there's always something to smile about! So....SMILE SISTER, SMILE!
Showing posts with label black girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label black girls. Show all posts
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
TOYS AREN'T US
For my daughter’s sixth birthday I was determined to buy her a Barbie birthday cake. I had gotten one for my birthday when I was a child and I was convinced she would love it. I walked into the store extremely excited about the idea of what her face would look like when she saw it. Sadly I was informed that the store did not make the cake with Black Barbies. The only option was the typically White Barbie cake. I was very disappointed. Not only were my plans of a perfect birthday party falling through, but my feelings were also hurt. How could a bakery in a city with a significant visible minority population decide that someone who looks like me isn’t important enough to have options? How dare they make the assumption that what we want doesn’t matter?
I ended up making the birthday cake myself that year. I used one of the Barbies my daughter had gotten as a gift from my brother the year earlier. I still remember the difficulty we had searching for that particular doll.
Every toy store we visited, including one of the most popular toy store franchises in North America did not carry Black dolls. We finally found one at a department store. It was Destiny’s Child “Kelly” doll, which interestingly enough was the only Destiny’s Child doll that actually looked Black. My daughter has had it ever since. It was Kelly that graced the birthday cake that year.
Like the Destiny’s Child dolls at that lone department store, have found that even the “ethnic” toys that are available do not necessarily bare resemblance to those they are meant for. Instead they are crafted as White dolls with slightly darker skin tones (and I do mean slightly.)
A few Christmases ago, my daughter received the coveted Baby Alive doll. We were all shocked by the grayish, chalky looking skin tone which was reminded us of something else entirely. Not to be morbid or anything, but if you’ve ever seen the corpse of a Black person, it is just that, gray and chalky looking. Baby Alive, or Gabriella as my daughter affectionately calls her, bares a disturbing resemblance to something most of us don’t ever want to see.
Still, I promote the production and purchase of ethnic toys. When I was growing up, there was a friend of my parents that used to send us Black dolls. I have no idea where this lady ( who lived in rural New Brunswick) got these dolls. Come to think of it, she must have ordered them from somewhere because back then you certainly couldn’t walk into a store and buy one. Either way we were never disappointed.
I’ll admit things are getting better. Ethnic dolls are looking a little more believable these days. I think there’s even a new Baby Alive doll with a better skin tone than Gabriella!
I wonder if there is a store that specializes in ethnic dolls? I'll have to start looking around. I’d love some advice on where I can find a great selection of ethnic toys.
So, if anyone ever chooses to read my daily rants, please do share!
I ended up making the birthday cake myself that year. I used one of the Barbies my daughter had gotten as a gift from my brother the year earlier. I still remember the difficulty we had searching for that particular doll.
Every toy store we visited, including one of the most popular toy store franchises in North America did not carry Black dolls. We finally found one at a department store. It was Destiny’s Child “Kelly” doll, which interestingly enough was the only Destiny’s Child doll that actually looked Black. My daughter has had it ever since. It was Kelly that graced the birthday cake that year.
Like the Destiny’s Child dolls at that lone department store, have found that even the “ethnic” toys that are available do not necessarily bare resemblance to those they are meant for. Instead they are crafted as White dolls with slightly darker skin tones (and I do mean slightly.)
A few Christmases ago, my daughter received the coveted Baby Alive doll. We were all shocked by the grayish, chalky looking skin tone which was reminded us of something else entirely. Not to be morbid or anything, but if you’ve ever seen the corpse of a Black person, it is just that, gray and chalky looking. Baby Alive, or Gabriella as my daughter affectionately calls her, bares a disturbing resemblance to something most of us don’t ever want to see.
Still, I promote the production and purchase of ethnic toys. When I was growing up, there was a friend of my parents that used to send us Black dolls. I have no idea where this lady ( who lived in rural New Brunswick) got these dolls. Come to think of it, she must have ordered them from somewhere because back then you certainly couldn’t walk into a store and buy one. Either way we were never disappointed.
I’ll admit things are getting better. Ethnic dolls are looking a little more believable these days. I think there’s even a new Baby Alive doll with a better skin tone than Gabriella!
I wonder if there is a store that specializes in ethnic dolls? I'll have to start looking around. I’d love some advice on where I can find a great selection of ethnic toys.
So, if anyone ever chooses to read my daily rants, please do share!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The Revolution
I am the proud mother of a beautiful Black girl. I always knew it would be a difficult task (raising a Black daughter) but I have to admit that I never expected the trials to begin so early!
On top of all of the other things that little girls have to deal with on a day-to-day basis, Little Black Girls have to deal with their own unique issues. From skin tone to hair length and texture to body proportion the plight of the black girl lives on and unfortunately in this day and age it starts as early as they are able to look in the mirror.
This is my venting place. So please, bear with me. I'll vent a lot, but I'll also give advice and look for yours in return!
It’s sad that we don’t see ourselves portrayed in the media as much as others, but it’s not at all a lost cause. To be honest, I don't even believe that it is the media's responsibility. It's our responsibility. It all begins at home. As mothers (and fathers!) we need to nurture pride within our daughters. If it doesn’t exist out there we need to first create at home!
I am DETERMINED to raise a proud Black woman. I want my daughter to love herself first. I want her to be confident and I want her to develop her own determination to affect change.
On top of all of the other things that little girls have to deal with on a day-to-day basis, Little Black Girls have to deal with their own unique issues. From skin tone to hair length and texture to body proportion the plight of the black girl lives on and unfortunately in this day and age it starts as early as they are able to look in the mirror.
This is my venting place. So please, bear with me. I'll vent a lot, but I'll also give advice and look for yours in return!
It’s sad that we don’t see ourselves portrayed in the media as much as others, but it’s not at all a lost cause. To be honest, I don't even believe that it is the media's responsibility. It's our responsibility. It all begins at home. As mothers (and fathers!) we need to nurture pride within our daughters. If it doesn’t exist out there we need to first create at home!
I am DETERMINED to raise a proud Black woman. I want my daughter to love herself first. I want her to be confident and I want her to develop her own determination to affect change.
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